This is not a word I use very often because I rarely feel this way. I am sometimes tired, like when I don’t sleep well or when I move supplies to and from storage and rack up several thousand steps and flights of stairs.
But exhausted has an emotional component. Today, I feel a weariness of my soul and a bit of defeat in my spirit.
When I think of all this week has entailed, it is no wonder this is my state of mind.
So many struggles and emotions pertaining to our school and students, my work, and how this virus is controlling so much of my life.
The uncertainty is draining. I never considered myself a huge planner, but the lack of control on even what next week may bring is so unsettling.
I thought I would enjoy the additional time with my own sons, who I dearly love, but who are made to roam outdoors. When weather forces us inside, we all seem to have no patience with each other.
The distance we must keep from our loved ones. We must stay at Grandma’s door instead of sitting at her side.
Even in our grief, we must keep the distance. I have two funerals in the next three days, and I don’t know if I will be able to attend either due to limiting numbers allowed together. I feel so bad for the loved ones left to mourn without friends and loved ones physically there to support them.
Yes, exhausted is the word. I don’t have a silver lining and the sun is not shining in any way today.
Here is hoping tomorrow will feel like a new day.